Why my life isn't perfect as others?

Assalamualaikum and hi! readers, I'm back again with another entry. I feel kind of anxious when I didn't update my blog. I don't know why. Need some serious help I guess.

If you are already in my blog for a while, I bet you know what have I been through, what I feel certain times and many things did happen. Well, that is life. There is someday that I feel so happy and feel so grateful for everything I had in my life. But somedays I just want to cry and blame everything for reasons. In fact, my life has a lot of flaws.

Sometimes we go on Instagram scrolling down to our timeline we see our friends who we believe has a better life than us. We feel anxious, envy and we get to the point that we might actually hate them or ourselves for not being able to live like them. What can I say, their life isn't perfect too. People put up happy moments on their walls just to make themselves feel better. No one would show their own flaws to the world. Yet, we want to be like them.

Everyone has their own strength and weaknesses. Sometimes we kind of left behind our strength just to be like someone else. Trying to fit in the society. One thing that we always forgot is that we can't have everything we desire. Life has its own limitation. Remember, if you try to break your limits there will be consequences.
Don't get me wrong, I did not support you guys to stay in comfort zone. You need to get out of your own box but there is a limit. It's like you get out from your own box to bigger box but the bigger box still has its walls.

You know, it is okay to be broke you don't need to use luxurious things just to make you look good. I truly feel like this is a "flexing era" where everyone feels the need to show off everything from their Gucci slipper to their iPhone Xs to their high-end makeups. This is not supposed to be a culture. It is totally cool to put on "selipar jamban", any Lenovo, Oppo or any cheaper phone. It is fine! totally fine. If no one gonna hangs out with you, hit me up let's set a date.

What I'm trying to say is, every people is different. Some of them are lucky enough to be gifted with lots of money and some of us are gifted with good health, good friend, good grades while a lot of people out there are struggling more than us. You actually can find happiness everywhere even in the smallest things. Life isn't always like a cupcake. Be happy, find your own happiness. Enjoy every moment. Because it is your own life.

 I know that this entry is kind of all over the place but you got what I'm trying to say right? That's all for today's rant, Thank you for coming to my TED talk. hahaha.

That one friend who change me

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. On this entry, I want to do a throwback back in 2013. I think this one of the most important things that happen to me or a point in my life that I always want to remember and look back.

*Disclaimer, All of the real name will be changed to another name. Just because I don't really want to share their real name.

When I started high school everything seems pretty normal. I make new friends, I became friends with people from my primary school. I happen to be closed like really close to this one girl. In my school, from form 1 to form 3 we will not have to change classes so we will be looking at the same faces in the same classes for 3 years until PMR. But, before we started form 2, teachers suddenly move my closest friend to another class and another girl moves to my class. It's like the teacher exchanged them. I was so annoyed and I don't like that new girl at all as I feel like she parts me away from my best friend. I'll call her Jennie because I want to respect her privacy. But if you happen to know her please respect her.

I heard a lot of things about Jennie which is most of them are not a good one and one thing that I'm sure about her is that she is problematic. I was that kind of girl who doesn't break rules so for me she was pretty bad. She feels pretty invisible for me throughout the year. Until I was in fight with my friend, you know typical high school drama. I was left out by my circle of friend and I'm not really good at making new friends. I was pretty sad, the only friend I had left was in another class. Jennie sat next to another girl, I don't really know her well too but she seems nice and their friend circle is not that big. I'll call her Rose. I'm not sure if Jennie friend with Rose but they sat next to each other in class, so I guess they are friends. I approach them just to sit together with them so that I feel less lonely. Because my "war" doesn't seem like it's going to end soon. It just getting worst.

Rose and Jennie were pretty nice to me, they let me sit with them, eat with them, play with them. But, of course, I'm still judging Jennie pretty hard. Then we grew closer. When school starts for my form 3, I let Jennie sit next to me. So, we are now deskmate. We get so close. I stop judging her and accept her for whoever she is. I told myself that if she is problematic, she won't affect me but I'm going to change her. That's what I thought.

When we grew closer I learn that her life was not amazing. She has a broken family. By means broken it was pretty bad. I tried my best to be on her side. Rose and I will always listen to her when something happened. I can still remember how Jennie trust me so much that she asked our counselor to let me in the counseling session to accompany her. I am just a friend and most likely a stranger to her life. But she trusted me so much. I do my best to be her moral support supplies. I'll buy Cadbury chocolate every time she needed comfort and left it under her table just to make her happy at least. I can't so much to help her.

I knew why she was so problematic in school, why she always absent from school and why people don't like her. People don't like her because people were being too judgemental. People don't know all those stories all they ever know is Jennie is a problematic person. But in reality, she was suffering a lot. I heard with my own ears how people downgraded her I see how people bully her emotionally just because she is not a perfect student. It somehow hurts me too.

After PMR, we were still in the same class. Jennie, Rose and I. We kind of friend that give moral support a lot to each other whenever we going through harsh time. In that class, we got another friend Jisoo. So it's now, Jennie, Rose, Jisso and me. I'll call myself Lisa then. We are now "BLACKPINK" Omg I'm so lame. Please don't critics me for using their name.

4 of us suffers in a different way. Neither of us perfect. We had problems and I think that what complete us. We vowed to keep everything straight if they don't like me in certain ways talk into my face. I'll do the same. Tbh, we slap each other with facts and harsh words of reality. I don't think other people can accept those words. That's how our friendship goes until the end of high school life. Till these days, we still keep in contact. We still hit the groups chat to spill our heart off.

Each character I mentioned in this story affect me somehow. But I think Jennie played a big role. She makes me realize how lucky am I and I should be grateful for my lives. She teaches me not to judge people to fast. If only I knew what she went through I won't label her as a problematic classmate. I won't ever look down on her.

I'm so thankful to be her friend. If I never learned about her, I'm probably still an ignorant and ungrateful same girl who I used to be. She shows me the reality of lives.

Thank you :)