Hi Assalamualaikum, it's been forever since the last update. Life is getting to me and I am super busy with lots of new hobbies.
If you are new to my entries, you can read my previous post to understand what I've been through. I've met a lot of people throughout these years and it's kind of natural to have new people here. I've been pretty open about my mental health and I have been on a journey of finding myself and self-love for quite some time now. You can literally backtrack through this blog. I have been on the journey by myself but I decided to seek professional help back in 2021. I went to multiple sessions of therapy and different therapists. Since then life has been a roller coaster. There are a lot of ups and downs throughout the entire journey. In mid-2022 and the entire 2023, I took a break from therapy because of time and financial reasons. To be honest I was feeling a lot better than I was in 2021, that's why I stopped the therapy.
I don't really want to elaborate on things that happened during those times. Fast forward to 2024, and I am back to therapy sessions. I am not in a bad position as I was in 2021, I wasn't really in the darkest time of my life but I feel so broken. I feel like I am unable to function as a normal human being. I have a lot of issues I need to work on to be able to actually feel "normal". But honestly, what is a normal human being? I don't know.
Just a recap, in 2021, I was at the lowest point of my life. I have no will to stay alive. After I found my will to live I faced another issue for my existential crisis. I feel like I am unable to do normal stuff, do daily life tasks, regulate my emotions, and in general, I feel bad about myself. A big part of me also is just not comfortable being myself. These are the reasons I went back to therapy.
Surprisingly, I like this therapist. She has been very helpful just to match up with my pace and just a good therapist. When I do the talking, she honestly feels like I'm talking to my best friend haha. But when it comes to giving advice she is obviously better than just friends because she's professional. I also feel like I'm being super honest and open up more to this therapist compared to the previous therapist I worked with.
You know it's pretty sad given the fact that you were once struggling to stay alive. Once you are over it, you are now struggling with the bare minimum stuff. Sometimes, I wonder why I make such an effort to be better when I can just let myself be in denial and just float like I've always been. Floating around with no dreams and hope is much easier. I wonder why?
One thing is for sure if you are starting this journey, it will never get easier and it will take forever to be better. You will always be a work in progress. So, please never give up and keep spreading positivity. You never know what life will bring you to.
Other than my mental health journey, my looking for "jodoh" part is stagnant. I can't see the future and there is no hope haha. I'm joking. I am learning to be comfortable with myself if the person suddenly appears then they appear. I trust my faith and he knows the best for me.
To anyone who read this, I might not know your struggles and the battles you are in. But I believe you can do it. I know life is unfair, but you can change your life. Live in the moment and take it slow. Small baby steps. It's the effort that matters. I really want to keep blogging, posting, and checking up on my blog friends. But I'm afraid I have no time to do so. I always want to create a safe space for you guys, please feel free to reach out and just talk if you want to.
Oh before I end my post, I want to wish you well on this Ramadhan and Selamat Hari Raya in advance. Because I don't know when my next post. Take care <3