Goodbye 2018

Assalamulaikum and hi! This might be the last entry on 2018. I will be going to Korea for 2 weeks. I will be an exchange student in Chungnam University for 2 weeks. Isn't it fun? I hope it will be fun. I will update you guys my experience there. So, I'm here to kind of rewind my 2018.

So, 2018 has been quite a year. It is a rollercoaster. There were joy, sad, depressing,overly joy, sick, hurt and lot more. I'm gonna highlight a few big moments that happen to me. 

I started 2018 with a new resolution and the resolution is quite similar every year because I never achieved it at the end of the year. One of my biggest resolutions is to lose a pretty amount of weight, but guess what? It never happens. Shall I cry now? because it's like another week and it's already 2019.

On February 2018, I went to my most fav country, Korea. I spent like a week there holiday with my family. It was fun! and I'm going again next week. So, this year definitely bring me closer to Korea. I don't why, but Korea has a special place in my heart. Been to few countries before but Korea keeps my heart.

Next, in April I went through a surgery/ operations to remove my ovarian cyst. It's another journey and experiences. I have ovarian cyst since 2015 and finally I'm free from it this year. It is really something that I won't forget. It is not like I will face it every year and not anyone gonna experience this. So, I enjoyed that moment even it hurts af

In September, I guess I had the best birthday gift ever. It's a gift from me to myself. I went to seventeen concerts. I updated an entry about it so you guys can check it out here. 

Photoshoot moment that I will never! ever! in my life forget about it. It is a whole lot of new experience of my big dream. I make an entry about it so, you can check them out. I probably won't move on from it.

Currently, in November, I lost someone I love which is my grandma. It was shocking. I made an entry on that as well. But honestly, till today, I'm still sad and mad on myself how I wish I can see her before and how I can be a better granddaughter. I miss her so much.

Also, 2018 has taught me about how ugly life can be. I am at the lowest point of myself. I don't say I'm having depression, but I feel like my life suffocates me. I can't breathe, I'm not willing to do anything, I have the thought of hurting myself. It is really not me, not how I usually behave. Some people got to change at a certain point right? And I'm changing to the worst. How I wish I am not changing myself. Till today, I'm still having a hard time, if something did trigger me I just want to hurt myself in any way possible. But, gladly I still can manage not to hurt myself.

2018 also thought me to go for my dream. Do what you like, nobody can say no to your passion. It is the reason why I start active on the blog again even though my life is kind of hectic at the moment. But writing blog gives me so much fun and positivity. So keep on running towards your dream. Like I do, I became a freelance on Thread zalora and I am working hard on it. Because it is one of my passion.

Finally, a few days to 2019 I am still single. I have no boyfriend and that is sad. Just kidding, am not sad but rather lonely hahaha. I'm 20 years old and of course, I had that feeling to have a boyfriend. It's normal isn't?

I thought this gonna be a long entry but it is not. I'm going to end it here. How was your 2018? Share with me in the comment section!

Have a nice day ahead <3

Love Yourself.. ?

Assalamualaikum  and hi, I feel like i want to write something and this is something that i come out. This is random yet meaningful to me at least.

We always hear that we need to love ourselves before love others, believe in ourselves. But do you really love yourself? do you really believe in yourself? How can you proof to me that you love yourself?

I always told myself to love myself before others because no one will ever love us as much as ourselves. I always keep in mind that no others you can believe, only yourself. Even now, there's lot of "Love Yourself" Campaign going on. 

Without realizing it, I keep blaming myself on every mistakes. Am i suppose to blame myself when i am suppose to love myself? It's okay to make mistakes. That's what people said. They said everything will be alright but i am the one who facing it. Why is everything against me? Again, i blame myself.

It feel likes you are in love with someone but you hate that person at the same time. It's tiring honestly, the cycles never end. Because it is in you. I am struggling fighting my inner self to be better and so you are. We have our own struggles, we have our own hardship.

No matter how much you hate yourself, because in the end you only have yourself. Love can't be force. You need to open your heart. Accept yourself for who you are. 

This is rather a short entry but it is something i want to share with you guys. I hope you all have a nice day ahead and keep on loving yourself.

Dear crush,

Assalamualaikum and hi. I just want to write something. This is kind of confession but not direct confession to my crush. I'm pretty sure he won't even read my blog. Anyway, let me just let my heart out.

Dear crush,

I've been liking you for awhile now. I rarely fall in love with someone but if i do, I just can't stop loving. I don't know how and why but every time i saw you my heart just flutters. I really want to tell you how i feel but i never had that guts and i don't want our friendship become awkward. I treasure friendship more than love.

I am really happy to see your name on my phone screen but i guess i'm just too awkward to keep up the conversation so i can't really talk to you a lot. It is so hard for me because i want to forget you. I don't want my feelings to stay like this. It hurts me because i can't express myself. Well, i'm expressive type of person so it's like i'm cutting myself.

You are always on the positive side even your life isn't that wonderful. You are just being yourself. I guess that was the reason i'm falling for you. Anyway, thank you for making me smile like an idiot and thank you for making my life a little better.

My feelings for you are real. But for now, i'm trying to move on. I don't want this feeling to effect my life. One sided love isn't great. It has always been one sided love for me. I guess i'm gonna make it. You are someone effected me a lot because i was going through hardship and you were supporting me even it is small i'm so grateful.

By the way, I love your smile.

That is it, I'm sorry for making you guys this type of entry. Like dehell is this cringy post. Share with me your stories with crush.

See ya in next entry and have a good day.

My current playlist

Hi guys, so today i decide to make an entry since i was left all alone. I want to share with you guys my current fav playlist. If you are looking for song recommendation you are at right entry. By the way my playlist include english and korean song.

Youth by Shawn Mendes ft. Khalid

I've been listening to this song for awhile way before the music video is out. Now the music video is out i would 100% suggest you guys watch the MV. It is so inspiring showing youth empowerment and they include islam in that video which is a great thing. I can make a whole entry about this mv. This mv didn't get lots of view so, i beg you all to stream that music video.

Flower by Seventeen

This is one of my fav non-tittle song from Seventeen. I'm in love with this song after i went to their concert. I hate the fact that i was crying and i can't remember this performances. I can only remember wiping my tears. 

Lovely by Billie Eilish with Khalid

Just recently in love with this song. Billie Eilish voice is perfect! I guess any song with Khalid will turn out amazing. This song has a deep meaning at least to me. It's a slow song which can make me cry haha. 

8 Letters by Why Don't We

This song is for anyone who loves love song. I literally listen to this song every single day because the beat are nice and so their vocals. Nothing much to explain cause i don't really understand why i'm addict to this song.

S/N by Stray Kids

This song is a hip hop song i would say. I don't know why i listen to this song everyday. It is like a drug. Very addictive, The video are so funny and i love it. Give it a try. If you hate it then don't listen hahaha.

My Pace by Stray Kids

I really love the meaning. It's about our life. This songs motivate me, so check the lyrics out. The beats of the song are catchy as well. I've been listening to stray kids quite a lot lately and i love all their songs but my pace are surely on the top.

Loved by Highlight

This is the latest song by highlight. It's pretty nice, it sounds like their beast era. I really like this song. The chorus beat was pretty sick. You can check them out.

That is all that i would like to recommend to you guys. I have more song in my playlist but mostly seventeen's song. I basically listen to all of their song. So i guess i don't need to share here. Have a nice day ahead and keep listening to music.