007. Loneliness

When she is alone

Doesn't mean she is lonely

When she is out with friends

Doesn't mean she is not lonely 

Some just enjoy the time alone 

Some just love being around people

Some cried when they feel lonely

Others laughed when they are lonely

Whatever it is, they can still be lonely

Loneliness is a lump of feeling

That makes you detach from everything

It was never how many people exist in your life

It was never how you spend your weekend

The exteriors did not reflect the interiors 

Because, 

You did not choose to be lonely

The loneliness chooses to be there.

- Sarah Isyah

Note: Hi, if you experience intense loneliness and have a difficult time coping, please seek help. It is okay and normal to feel lonely due to your situations but remember you are not alone. 

006. Emotions

There are many times,
we struggle from understanding

our own emotions.

My therapist said, 

acknowledge your feelings

feels your feeling

don't deny them.

I tried embracing them but 

what is this emotion?

am I sad? am I disappointed?

or am I just so confused?

The heart is home to emotions,

you feel it through your chest

it beats to the rhythm of your emotion

In my head, I know too well

what is going to happen

but my heart ignores it

Somedays, I just wish I could kill it

stabs it until bleed and let it die

so I could keep living without feelings.

Please, 

stop getting attached to

another heart that wasn't for me

stop feeling so special

when they were just showing kindness

stop being so happy

when you know it's meaningless

stop being pathetic

to seek their attention 

I'm so tired...

- Sarah Isyah

*PSA: Just to clarify the thing I don't have to but my past few writings aren't meant for a lover but just people in general. thanks. still single. 

005. Hold me

I am still so scared

I feel like no one is here

to hold my hand tight and,  

walk together towards tomorrow

I feel like it's impossible

for me to walk alone

It is so lonely and cold

I hate those feelings

All these years

I've been walking alone

I was holding myself tight

each day I am waiting for someone

To hold me and hug me

Telling me I'm doing really good

Being proud of me for being alive

Although, I am healing

There is still a huge part of me

Wanting someone to save me

Just like Rapunzel being saved from the tower

Wishing someone to pull me out

showing me the moon and stars

the busy life of the city

the colourful scenery of a kingdom

I keep dreaming one day it will happen

But, those are fairy tale

It will always be pretty and magical

It might not happen in this life

It felt like it is 

too much for asking someone to save me

but I can't help wanting someone to hold me tight

Maybe, no one will ever save me.

- Sarah Isyah

004. Because it's you

I want to know more about you
Not because I am desperate 
Not because I'm rushing
I feel pleasant talking to you

I enjoy your company 

I feel the warmth I haven't felt 

I want to hug you tight

and never let it go

When you ask about my day

My pain flies away

As if nothing is hurting me

It felt surreal when you asked

Yes, it was a short meeting

We barely know each other's name

But it felt so comfortable

that I wish we could be together

I know I have nothing to offers

I can only afford my heart

I'm scared it wasn't enough

So, I paused every time I wanted you 

It is hilarious to think about you

We don't know each other

Yet, I have this sort of feelings

Maybe, because it's you

- Sarah Isyah

003. Black is still a colour

Somedays, it is pitch black. 
Somedays, it is full of rainbows.
Either way, I am alive.
There is a heart beating inside. 

I woke up on a darker day, putting on a fight.

It is a war, war against myself. 

Tears are shed, blood is boiling.

It is suffocating, It is dark.

Hey, I think I need a light. 

When the day is full of colours,

Breathing in bright and shining colours,

Hopping around freely,

My heart is immensely full,

Please, keep the day going. 

Little did I know,

Black is still a colour

I am a blank canvas, 

open wide to be painted

Black, pink, blue, yellow,

It doesn't matter,

When I'm painted,

It is still me.

The same heart is still beating.

Black can be prettier,

Maybe the black will help other colours inside me shine,

It is just another colour that will be on canvas,

I'm going to embrace it and appreciate it,

Because art is not meant to perfect,

But to be appreciated,

Maybe someone will appreciate the black on me.

- Sarah Isyah

002. Broken

Why?
Why am I the broken one?
Waking up, feeling suffocated

Sitting around feeling lifeless

Sleeping with pictures in my mind. 

I think I am a broken piece

Trying to find me in different pieces

Scatters all over  the places

Trying to glue me together

Oh well, I am still broken.

I feel sick,

My heads throbbing

My hearts feel like crying

My throat is sore

My body is aching

I don't remember the days I don't feel sick.

Sometimes I can never register feelings in my heart

It left me in confusion and I got lost

I don't know what awaits me

and it scares me to face the reality.

Am I broken? 

Putting on a face to be everyone's favorite 

Ignoring a soul that screaming to be remembered 

When it's just me and the soul

Everything crumbles away

Oh, poor soul, I am sorry.

Pain, go away

I am trying my best  

Turning this broken piece into a beautiful flower

Facing the scary reality

Aids the forgotten soul

It is all because I am broken.

- Sarah Isyah