Surviving through Trauma

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone. How are you guys doing? I hope everything went smoothly with whatever you are doing. It is mid of May, and I reflect on my life a little. I realise something that I never did and I feel like sharing it with you guys. It is indeed another mental health-related post. 

Disclaimer!

I am not a professional, a therapist, counsellor, or a psychiatrist. I have no qualification in advising people on mental health matters. This entry is made from my point of view and is meant to be a discussion topic. 

This year I met a lot of new people, amazing people. Having lots of conversations with different people, made me realise that majority of us are surviving through our trauma. I've always heard or seen mental health advocates, survivors and fighters say "I can't really judge or be mad at them cause I know they are going through their own problems". It's true, after a year of going to therapy I became more empathetic.  

We are all dealing with our own problems, but little did we know, that the way we act is because of all of the problems that we face from childhood till now. That's why sometimes we can't understand why people got angry at the smallest thing, cry over the stupidest things, laugh at something that is not funny and doesn't react when they are in danger. It might be the trauma response. 

Sadly, not everyone is aware of their own trauma. Some trauma can definitely be seen, like scared of water because you've been drowned during your childhood. But the smallest reaction from other people can be a trauma to us. For example, a simple rejection to go out to have dinner with friends or family can trigger the trauma. In some occurrences putting so much weight / losing too much weight can be a trauma response. People binge eating as a coping mechanism, and people go on an extreme diet as a coping mechanism to make themself feel better. 

There is a famous quote that people always say "Everything happened for a reason" and I believed that the way that we act that is very unpleasant to others is due to a reason. It could be fear, or unsettled issues that are still within us. Of course, this can't be applied to everyone because the human mind is so fascinating. Some people are just pure evil without any trauma (real crime fans might know some stories) 

However, healing your trauma is no one's responsibility but yours. It doesn't matter if the one giving you trauma is living happily, doing well or worst. You need to heal yourself. The trauma or your mental health issues cannot justify your wrongdoing. This might be bitter to take, but it is the truth. I know we already felt bad about ourselves, but inflicting our own trauma on others is unfair. For instance, if you talk bad about someone just because they had similar traits to your ex is unfair to them because they are not your ex.

 In 2022, mental health awareness is becoming more relevant, there are a lot of NGOs, private, and government agencies that are offering help. We can't change others but we can change ourselves. If you notice yourself having a difficult time coping, reach for help. It is not embarrassing, you are not weak. You are strong and fearless to admit that you need help. We live in a society, there will always be someone who can relate to your story and there will always be someone who can help you. But first, you need to admit you need help. 

I am creating a safe space on my blog for you to share your stories, feel free to comment with your thoughts and if you have any questions just drop them in the comment section. See you in the next entry <3

Safe space 02: Be a part of support system

 Assalamualaikum and hi. Salam Ramadhan! I hope you guys are doing fine. Today is going to be another mental health-related entry. But instead of dealing with mental health in the first person, it's the second/third person or I could say it as becoming a part of a support system to your friends or family. 

Disclaimer!

I am not a professional, a therapist, counsellor, or a psychiatrist. I have no qualification in advising people on mental health matters. This entry is made from my point of view and is meant to be a discussion topic. 

Dealing with people who suffer from mental illness was never easy. It can be really exhausting and sometimes we just don't understand why they were acting in a specific behaviour. Or sometimes we just don't know how to help them. Especially when it comes to the loved one.

Mental illness signs can vary from high mood swings to having suicidal thoughts. Sometimes, mental health can be undiagnosed. When you notice the sign to your loved one, be as open-hearted as you can be. It's going to take you through a ride. In the end, it will be worth it. 

To be a great support system, you must not be too judgemental or critical of them and ensure them that you care. Be sure to check them out. However, don't be too pushy, give them some space and never force them to open up. Let them know, that whenever they are ready, you will listen. This will make them feel heard and valid. I know sometimes the story they share might be a small matter or didn't make sense to you. But to them, it is real and heavy. 

When they open up to you, they are not actually asking you to solve their issue but rather to let it out from their chest. So, avoid giving advice unless they asked for it. Because what they told you is just a surface of a bigger problem / unsettled issue. We might unconsciously, give a bit of bad advice that could harm them more. Instead, tell them " I'm so sorry you have to go through all of it" "It must be tough for you to go through this" "It is okay to feel that way, what can I help to make you feel better?". 

DO NOT! compare them to yourself or with other people. Their experience might be similar to others but the pain is there, they are feeling it. With all the thoughts and suffering they went through, the last thing they would want is to be compared. It would make them feel invalid and they might not open up to you anymore. You don't want this to happen too. 

You may help them contact professionals, or motivate them to seek help. Be careful, do not force or control them, let them make their own decision. I believe that you can be the biggest reason why your loved one seeks help. This will allow them to feel appreciated. 

In all this effort to help, you must understand that healing from mental illness takes a long time. You need to be patient, it is a slow process of trial and error. You can read more about mental health, so you would understand more about how to be around them. 

Providing emotional support is an honourable thing to do, you might be the reason why they are still fighting and stay alive. You will make them feel less lonely and definitely feel heard. Anyway, please don't abandon your mental health. Be sure to practise self-care and most importantly know your limits. 

We are all struggling in our own ways, let's be the support system for one another and create a safe space for everyone to talk about their mental health without the stigmatization.

Please share your thoughts in the comment section :) See you in the next entry <3