Checking In

 Assalamualaikum and hi everyone, how are you guys been doing? I think I'm really turning this blog into a mental health awareness or some sort of sharing my personal stories. I haven't updated since July. Oh wow, kind of a rare occasion because I usually post an entry when it's my birthday but I guess not this year. But it's just 2 weeks passed, still not late for birthday wishes. I'm kidding. 

Disclaimer!

I am not a professional, a therapist, counselor nor psychiatrist. I have no qualification in advising people on mental health matters. This entry is made from my point of view and meant to be a discussion topic. 

I am not really sure what I'm going to share for this entry,  so it's just going to be a bit of a mess of random things I'm going to share. But rest assured, it would be focusing on mental well-being. I will let my fingers and heart tell you guys what I want to tell. If you are not familiar with my blog, I do share a lot about mental health and my journey in discovering self-love. I also write some poems, I have poems drafted for I don't know how long.

As I shared in the previous entry, I've been seeking help from professionals, I went to therapy. It's been a few sessions already. My initial plan was to share what I learned in each session but things happened. I've been struggling with self-motivation a lot lately. I feel like I have no will to live for another day. There was nothing exciting for me to keep going. I'm not gonna lie, some fun things did happen for the past few months but it just feels like... I don't know how to explain it. The only thing that I look forward to was my therapy session. I know a lot of people who dislike therapy, but for me, I enjoyed it. Having someone to talk with makes me feel better. 

I also went to a peer support group. It has been 3 sessions so far and honestly I don't know how I feel about it. It was an eye-opening experience where you can learn and understand what people's been going through, you learn more about taking care of your mental well-being. However, sometimes I finished the session feeling so empty. The support group's main concern was anxiety and when they teach about improving I always feel lost. It's not I dislike it but It gave me too many emotions where I cannot register it properly. I'm still grateful for joining because I learn a lot about how to manage my anxiety. I also feel like my anxiousness is intensified for the past few weeks, so it does help me. 

Okay, let's stop talking about me. Have you ever see your friends and you know too well that they are struggling to put on their life together because of their mental well-being? I do. They show a very strong sign. I reached them and asked them, I offers some help to the extent of paying for their check-up. But, they never wanted it. Most of the time they ignored me or change the topic real quick. I know it was not my problem but I feel really sad when it happened to someone I care about. All I can do now is checking in with them. Asking about what they are doing and so on just to let them know that they are not lonely. But still, when I am struggling lots of people lending their shoulders but I still feel lonely. I might not be enough to help them. But it's okay you have tried your best to convince them. It's up to them to make a change. (me trying to convince myself it is okay)

I  think that's it for this entry.  I feel so exhausted. I wish to share more but I am at my limit if I push myself any further this post might end up in the draft and I won't be updating for another month. Thank you to everyone that has been visiting my blogs, reading my entries. I really appreciate it and somehow feel a little undeserved. The blog view is increasing and I'm glad that my stories are helping people out there that you were not alone.

You are not alone! what you feel are totally valid and thank you for staying alive. You are so strong to keep fighting to live another day. Because of that our path crossed in this blog. 

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section. I'll reply to your comment but I don't know when sooner or later I'll be replying! See you in the next entry!

Do you need therapy?

 Assalamualaikum and hi everyone, how are you guys doing? I hope everything went well for you guys.  This is another story of my self-recovery journey but at the same time, I want to help whoever reading this. If you are new here, welcome I am Sarah and I share a lot about my experience in discovering self-love. I also do anime reviews, drama reviews, and song reviews but that rarely happens since I'm not doing well. but maybe we will see those content soon.

Disclaimer!

I am not a professional, a therapist, counselor nor psychiatrist. I have no qualification in advising people on mental health matters. This entry is made from my point of view and meant to be a discussion topic. 

If you read past entries, you will see how I was reluctant and giving lots of excuses in seeking help. I feel like I got it under control and maybe it's just a phase. But the phases haven't ended yet. I can't take a risk of losing more and I think I make the right choice by signing up for therapy.  In the last 2 entries, I talk about my mental health screening, which I am very glad to attend because it makes me understand myself a little bit more. On the same night after the screening, I decided to register for a therapy session. 

My first therapy session was on 2nd July 2021. It is an experience to go through the session. I will not go into the session much because I don't think it is appropriate to share with you guys my problems. But I am really glad that I choose to go through this therapy because I can finally let out everything that I have latent. One thing that I realize, I've been hurt for too long. My regrets, anger, sense of hopelessness, helplessness are already inside me for years. It is not because of the current event that happens to me. It's a build-up of everything that I went through. I was being hard on myself because of what has been happening to me. My body and brain were used to it. 

When I was not feeling myself, feeling detached from reality, and so on, I never understand why. Try to heal without knowing what was the root to it is just useless. It is almost self-sabotaging. I was trying to be "positive" all this time because I thought that was the right attitude to heal. I was wrong. It is toxic positivity. The evidence is clear on my blog. I post a lot of entries encouraging people to be positive blindly without giving proper advice. Yes, positivity is needed but you need to understand that you are having a problem. Thinking positive all the time is just like pushing away all your problems, putting them aside and eventually, they'll come back and find you. It is an unsettling feeling. I will review my blog and take down every entry that promotes positivity blindly. Because I believe it is not helpful.

I talked to a few of my friends about getting therapy and some of them feel like it is unnecessary to go for therapy. Therapy is not only for people that are struggling with depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness. But it is a tool to help us understand more about ourselves and assists us in any life matter. Some people feel like seeking help is a  sign of weaknesses and sadly some people feel like they got everything under control but they are showing a clear sign of struggles. I used to be one of them. I don't blame them because "seeking help" is not in our culture, therapy is not being normalized, mental awareness is still low.

I want you guys to know, you are not weak. Seeking help is not for a weak person. It makes you a strong person. You are strong! you survive every single day, fighting to get up from your bed, fighting to get better every single day. Getting help took a lot of courage. 

So, do you need therapy? The answer might be yes. If you find yourself struggling to go through everyday life, being productive, you need the therapy. If you find yourself a keep making yourself busy to distract yourself from your problems, yes you need therapy. If you find yourself overthinking a lot, you need therapy. If you ever thought that "Everything will be better if I'm dead" you clearly need help. Also, a normal and mentally stable person will never make "suicide" or "dying" jokes. 

If you are not interested in therapy, you got another option by going to a psychiatrist to get diagnose and take medications. You can go to your nearest Klinik Kesihatan and talk to them, if your symptom is severe they will give you a referral letter to see a psychiatrist at the hospital. You also can get a referral letter from private clinics.

Therapy can be expensive, but currently, there are a lot of services that offer therapy at affordable prices. Some of them are negotiable and some of them offer therapy specifically for B40 people. Personally, I went to Aloe Mind because the price is affordable and I am satisfied with their service. If you want more information about their service feel free to check out their website or visit their Instagram at @aloe.mind  or if you have any questions regarding mental health issues and you can just hit me up on my personal Instagram @sarahisyah_

Let's create a better place for people to talk about their mental health and be kind to everyone. Share with me your thoughts on seeking help in the comment section down below and see you guys in the next entry!